Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he puts the penis in happiness.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
