I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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