So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize