So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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