I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
