One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
