Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
