I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
