finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
