All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
