is your mom at the bar?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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