its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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