are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize