Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
