is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
