Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
