Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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