meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
