Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
