Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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