I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
do nipples grow back?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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