It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
