You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
