Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
