I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
