Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
