Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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