whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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