i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
