Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
