Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
