At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
