A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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