I think I just saw someone hide a body.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize