forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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