you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
