but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize