just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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