i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
