Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
