it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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