sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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