Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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