I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
