I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
