HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
