also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
