We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
