there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
