He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize