Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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