Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
