i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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