Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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