Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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