I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
