I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What a dumb baby whore.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
