If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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