with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize