i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we're making bets on your personal life
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
