jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
