I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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