Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
