Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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