he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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