I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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