Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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