i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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