Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i came on her dog
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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