She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
