Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
