ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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